Have I mentioned our house is ruled by Furry Overlords? Now that the children are old enough to make their own breakfast the animals are free to take up as much of my time as they want. Their demands are varied, but always involve certain rituals I've come to accept when I'm still decaffeinated. I think they've figured out my brain doesn't come on-line until half an hour after I ingest the beverage of the gods, because it's a lot easier to say no when I'm firing on all cylinders.
So here's a brief overview of my morning with the Furry Overlords. I think that those with their own Overlords will be nodding half-way through:
1. Get up, get dressed, do morning stuff like brush teeth and tame wild nest of hair.
2. Attempt to walk down the stairs while Cats perform their daily assassination attempt.
3. Get to bottom of steps and patiently explain to Cats that yes, the furry teenage human has already fed them, so no, I ain't buying it.
4. Check food bowls anyway, and refill dry food.
5. Start coffee, because CAFFEINE.
6. Explain to dog that she should eat her brekkies before I give her the morning's glucosamine bacon treat.
7. Cave to dog breath, puppy eyes and waggy tail.
8. Explain to Mr. Nip Addict that, yes, I remembered the cat nip in the scratchy toy.
9. Explain to dog that she should eat her brekkies before I give her dog biscuits.
10.Cave to dog breath, puppy eyes and waggy tail.
11.Explain to cat that he's now sitting where I need to work.
12. No, really. You need to move.
13. Try and decide if my butt will fit in the two square inches of the eighty-six inch sofa the cat left for my behind.
14.Sit down and lift coffee mug.
14.Put coffee mug down, get up, and let dog out. All that food has made her need to go, like, now.
15.Sit down and lift coffee mug.
16.Put coffee mug down and let dog back in. How the hell did you pee so fast?
17.Really, cat? Really? How can one fifteen pound animal take up an entire frikkin sofa?
18.No, kitty! No caffeine for you!
19.Pick cat up and move to one end of sofa. Try desperately to ignore the fact that, from the death glare I'm receiving, he's now plotting my early demise.
20.Try desperately to ignore the fact that the other cat has entered the litter box, and...
21.DEAR GOD, CAT, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN EATING??
22.Ugh. Kitty bombed the room. So much for the sex scene.
23.Sip coffee, finally. It's a good thing I like it iced...
